Even as a kid, I felt different. I never wanted to wear dresses or play with dolls, but my parents thought I was just going through a stage, called me a “tom boy”, and didn’t seem concerned about my choices in friends or toys or clothes. Things changed when I began to change physically. I remember reacting with such intense feelings of disgust at how my body looked. In my mind, I did not feel like a girl. I began to look on the Internet for stories about, what I know now, are people who identify as transgender. Many of them talk about the beginnings of transition and their feelings of depression lifting and anxiety disappearing. I want that for me. My depression seems to be getting worse, and sometimes I feel so scared and trapped that I have thoughts of hurting myself. I know that’s not an answer, but there are days I feel so desperate, I can’t breathe. I want to be in a safe place where I can get help and support for the person I am becoming.
It wasn’t easy to find a therapeutic program that could help me, since many young adult programs do not offer treatment to trans individuals, but with my educational consultant’s guidance, we discovered Calo Young Adults. Here I live in The zE House with other students who think like me and who, like me, want to find a way, with their parents’ support, to become who we really are. While working all the issues that are part of my transition, I realize I have lots of options may include hormone treatment and even surgery. What’s most important is that the the choice is mine, and I no longer feel pressured to make a decision right away. I’m in treatment for my depression and anxiety with a therapist and staff whose knowledge of transgender issues is way beyond what I expected. I also have the opportunity to work with my parents and hopefully to create a loving and accepting relationship as they begin to know who I am.
last modified: July 16th, 2018